“Would you try to feel worse than you already do?” I ask this (seemingly) absurd question whenever a friend, a client, or even I am experiencing and feeling deep suffering. I ask them this question to help them understand their current attitude about their suffering — and that there’s potential for them to learn and emphasize a friendlier, more self-compassionate dialogue with their negative feelings. Read More . . .
Most of us have an area of our life that we give a dominant part of our energy where we might be most gifted. We could dominantly like to interact with people, devote ourselves to our work, or do something centering on the arts, nature, academics, family, pleasure, success, fitness, beauty, or being likable and unique. But sharing so much energy with this part of our life can lead to an imbalance.” Read More . . .
Almost half the people I’ve met in my life, whether as a therapist, family, or friend, have great difficulty asking for help. You might be similar to them when it comes to seeking help, or you may be good at asking for help when you need it. Still, I would venture that there are certain areas in your life where it’s harder for you to recognize that you need help and ask for it. Fear of rejection, distrust, a false self-image of self-sufficiency, and inadequacy are some reasons we shy away from asking for help. Read More . . .
It seems like an incredible opportunity lost to not include education about death and mortality from our early childhood. It is clear that curiosity about this naturally arises for most of us when we’re between the ages of 4-8. Innocent questions about death from kids at that age can be met initially in many ways — in addition to the standard pat religious answers we often offer. Yes, we could say that in death, people go to heaven or to God or whatever we believe. Read More . . .
There is immense value in learning how to respond to life situations where you are natural when you don’t have to perform. This requires being in touch with what you feel and also being open to seeing your experience with acceptance and clarity. This is not something you can learn in a day or short time as, unfortunately, in our world, we haven’t been taught to just be open even toward ourselves as to what we feel, let alone be able to accept whatever it is. Read More . . .
In our culture, it’s significantly more desirable and respectable to know vs. not know about something. Our society has continually supported the importance of knowing what we’re talking about — there’s little room for uncertainty and not-knowing. As we explore this prejudice, it will become more obvious that the more we stay on the superficial life issues, the easier it is to remain in a knowing state. Read More . . .
Take a look at what you know about yourself emotionally. Especially the things that you don’t share with others or at least with almost no one. You very likely believe that this is something that you take care of on your own or that even if you don’t, these are aspects you would rather not have anyone else’s input on because it would either be too dependent, feel invasive, or too vulnerable. In my observation, when considered in moderation, it represents potential areas where we could grow, be more intimate, and still maintain our independence. Read More . . .
Do you have a go-to person you trust for their wisdom and guidance? If not, you might want to put your energy into finding one. We’ll explore ‘why’ in more detail in this article. Join me in asking this question — why do you think we’re here on earth living this life? As you look for your simple answer, let it be no more than a sentence or two. This is not just an abstract question, as I’m asking you to give your answer before you read on. Read More . . .
Fear like all emotions gives the false impression that it is representative of a true perspective. They pose as the truth. This is so important for all of us to see as clearly as possible as our emotions have hypnotic effects that all too frequently puts us under their spell. If we can look at our past experience and see this it gives us a chance to do some reality testing to see that the amount of times that our fears indicate realistic assessments of the danger we are facing is minimal at the least. Read More . . .
Follow your feelings when they lead you to well-being but absolutely follow your wisdom guidance when your feelings aren’t leading to what’s most needed. Can you see the tendency most of us have to let our feelings rule our inner lives? If you look closely, you will very likely see that your feelings are a continuous flow inside you. But if you don’t intervene or understand how important your needs and the needs of others around us are, you will be defined by and follow what you feel and not get to what you need. Read More . . .