Blog Posts

One of the foundational ways we disconnect from those we are intimate with or just those in our world is the tendency to express our dissatisfactions more than what we would find satisfying or fulfilling. For most of us, this requires or, more accurately, allows us to develop intimacy, warmth, connection, and trust rather than reinforce struggles, distance, or alienation. Read More . . .

What’s tone of voice? It’s the way you speak to another person — in sound and often with hidden meaning, the way you express yourself. It reflects our innermost motivations, reactions, and, when applicable, our character and wisdom — even when we aren’t aware of our wisdom or don’t have access to it yet. Is there a way we can go inside ourselves to learn how to convey our tone of voice in a way that creates benefit? Read More . . .

Confusion is so often thought to be a negative feeling, one that is hard to tolerate. In our culture, it’s a feeling we are most frequently averse towards. Today, let’s take a look at confusion as a feeling and how we can support ourselves in changing our attitude, response, and understanding of it. We can also learn how to make it an ally in our life, rather than simply viewing it as a disturbance.  Read More . . .

When we say to others (or even ourselves), “I did my best.” Do we really, truly, in our hearts believe that? Even though you may know that your best differs every day for different reasons, you might unwittingly demand that you do better than your best efforts. When we think of our best, we should also try and consider that it means our best realistic effort (BRE). BRE means that you’re doing the best you can and are doing it in a flowing focused effort.  Read More . . .

Almost all of us have dealt with insecurity in some way. Yet, more often than not, we consider insecurity undesirable or embarrassing and, at times, even shameful. I’ve noticed that insecurities don’t make their way out into the therapy room until much later. Insecurity is so disliked, and we often subject ourselves to self-criticism wittingly or unwittingly that it lies deep in the cellar of our mind (the subconscious). But what if we try to look at insecurity in a different light? Maybe even try to befriend it?   Read More . . .

One of the greatest contributions we can make in our lives (to both the world and to ourselves) is to stay dedicated and loyal to the truth in what we think and say. Although that sounds quite simple, it requires a good deal of contemplation to really have a chance of it becoming an art form in each of our lives. The world would be a different place to live in if we each took this to heart.” Read More . . .

Often, it’s quite hard to tolerate or accept our most troublesome feelings. That’s why we use our capacity to seethat these feelings are the deepest source of our suffering. However, our negative reactions to these difficult feelings are what causes the more sustaining pain and suffering than the original feelings themselves, although that’s rarely obvious to any of us. This requires looking more deeply at ourselves and asking, “How do I feel about this deepest suffering?” Read More . . .

As someone who has had a difficult time finding meaningful television shows or movies, Over the last several years I’ve watched four truly remarkable exceptions that display life lessons that give us deep insights beyond the ordinary ways we are raised.  Read More . . .

One of the cornerstone distortions in love relationships, friendships and all other kinds of relationships is inaccurately seeing “the other’s” expression of a need as a demand. When we exaggerate the genuine expression of a need and instead experience it as a demand, it sets up the unfortunate and inevitable likelihood of misunderstandings. It can also compromise your own ability or desire to be responsive in a kind and cooperative way.  Read More . . .

One of the most unrecognized patterns by the general population, and even unwittingly by most therapists, that causes suffering, especially in love relationships, is when one partner or party views and experiences the other’s “perceptions” as “judgments.” Turning perceptions into judgments is one of the least understood dynamics in communication, and is a real source of loss of intimacy, trust and compatibility.  Read More . . .

All over the world, we’re grappling with family and friendship dilemmas. In America alone, these challenging situations are probably more complex than they have been in a very long time — probably even since the Civil War. Most of my friends, colleagues, and clients are in the midst of dealing with impossible relatives or conversations that revolve around prejudice, hatred, racism, insurrection, political divisions, immigration, or homeless intolerance, to name a few. Read more . . .