Asking Questions from the Heart to Increase Caring and Wisdom for Insecurity, Episode 135

Awareness that heals episode 135.

A very warm welcome to season three of awareness that heals where we have progressed to be able to focus on one challenging emotion at a time. This will allow you to choose a specific emotion that you’ve had challenges with, and each one will have a progressive series of guided meditations that will allow you to go deeper and deeper into self-compassion. For me, it’s truly inspiring because each emotion has unique nuances for both self-care and responding to your environment at the same time, this is subtle and a rare skill as all too often we don’t stay aware of how we can care for ourselves as we are. I hope that you’ll not only find it helpful, but also give you deep resources that you can internalize when the emotion is most emerging.

(01:06)
A warm welcome to part four of our series on caring for insecurity. I hope at this point it’s very clear to you that insecurity is something that generally is left like a monopoly in our psyche. That is, it doesn’t have a caring, it isn’t given awareness, and so it can feer and move in so many directions that will not support your life. And with awareness, you have the possibility of channeling the insecurity to help you become more secure, to help you become more self-trust and more self-confident. At times, it might lead you to talk to your partner if they’re able to be mature enough to be able to help you with that insecurity. So we’re going to go into a guided meditation and to continue to develop tools for caring for your insecurity, for all of our insecurity. So let yourself be in a place where you know you’re not going to be disturbed

(02:25)
And naturally let your awareness be noticed where it is. So wherever you are, if you’re focused on my voice, if you’re focused on body sensations, feelings that are unresolved from the morning, thoughts that are just irrelevant, don’t let them be alone. Let it be a partnership between your awareness that says, I see that you’re thinking these thoughts. I see that you’re attached to these feelings from the morning. And so in all of your life, you get to be aware of whatever it is you’re thinking, feeling, seeing, hearing. I’m aware of that. It’s a gift from humanity that we oftentimes, from just being human, it’s a gift that we have the awareness to see wherever we are.

(03:29)
Let’s use that as a catalyst to look more clearly at what is this awareness? If it turns toward itself and looking at itself, and you’re imagining it being like two mirrors that are saying, hello, awareness, hello awareness, and there’s no content where you’re just looking at this capacity intuitively that I am or I can be this awareness. Now, why is this important? Because this awareness is like the source of all that you see, feel, think, do and everything else. And if you catch it, you get to be the guide. You get to be the director of this movie of your life. And this is not some theatrical commentary. This is a grounded reality. You get to be the awareness that guides your life. Hopefully just look at how much you can see that, how much you’ve let that in at this point,

(04:44)
And then guide yourself to the awareness of where your insecurity plays out in your life. And it could be right now or it could be another right now, but either way, go to it in the actual raw experience and see how it played out in your life. It may have brought you to a place where you just simply withdrew. You became less interested and you felt less attracted to your partner and you didn’t really deal with it very consciously. But you have this fleeting awareness that, oh, I feel a little bit more distant. Now, if you’re really aware of the insecurity, you can see, oh, I withdrew. I saw the withdrawal. I want to come back. I want to care for the insecurity. And maybe not say anything, but be able to be more present and more caring in the conversation. Most of the time, you’re not going to even have to say anything about the insecurity.

(05:49)
So see if that makes sense to you that you get to let insecurity be there. You may even say insecurity, you’re there because I love my lover so much and I want this lover to be merged with me. It’s a wonderful feeling when it’s seen and when it’s supported and it’s not at an extreme end where it’s taking you over and you appear to have no chance. But even when you have no chance, that becomes a place or feel like you have no chance, you do have a chance to say, oh my God, my insecurity has really taken me over. Now I really need to develop my awareness and really need to befriend my insecurity. Does that make sense to you? Hopefully it does. And then as you see that, you get to that place where, of course I want to care for myself and I want to develop more tolerance, more acceptance, that it is there as an innocent emotion that’s letting me know something’s very, very important.

(07:00)
So now we’re going to add another tool, which is asking questions from our heart. Insecurity, how can I help you? Now, remember this, you have the capacity to ask questions from your heart. Insecurity, how can I help you? Now, you might see that the instant answer is don’t get defensive when you normally get defensive. Don’t withdraw. Allow yourself to be present. Don’t criticize yourself. Allow yourself to be more tolerant. It may be in a very mature relationship. Gina’s always somebody that’s made me feel insecure. And could you just tell me again why it is you’re not attracted to Gina? Because somehow when I look at her, I think she’s so beautiful and I think she’s got all these qualities that you would love. Can you help me with this? Now, in a mature relationship that’s very viable. So you need to tune into what is the nature of your relationship as to whether or not you would do something like that.

(08:15)
But no matter what relationship you’re in, you always want to ask that question, how can I help you in security? And really listen? And as you’re listening now, ask yourself that question, what would be the best way for you to help yourself while you feel your insecurity? And when you remember this, you are so on your own team. You so have become an ally to yourself. And don’t fool yourself because very few people have this tool activated reliably. Now, can you see how vital this would be if you not only ask this sacred question of how can you support yourself, but you also really took the time to listen for the answers and then really dedicate yourself to what you hear? So hopefully as you pause and apply this to yourself, there’s a peace, there’s a recognition that of course, now you’re not only going to be harmless, but you’re actually going to be able to find ways to enter back into your life to be wise, to notice the sources of your insecurity and how you can guide yourself to have greater trust in yourself, greater confidence, greater ease, and of course, you want that for yourself.