Passages from Awareness that Heals

Moving from Self-Rejection toward Self-Compassion – Part 2

Starting with the Dilemma

In this series, we take a look at one of the eight key practices for navigating life’s challenges that are explored in my new book, Awareness That Heals. For more, order the book today and receive a 10% new release discount and free shipping.

In the following examples, you will see a challenging emotion and a self-rejecting feeling followed by a movement toward self-acceptance.

ANXIETY: EMBARRASSMENT AND INADEQUACY
I feel embarrassed and inadequate because of the amount of ongoing anxiety that I experience.

MOVING TOWARD SELF-ACCEPTANCE
I see that my anxiety has been part of my lifelong conditioning and I don’t deserve to reject myself because of it. I know I’m not being anxious on purpose. I am developing trust that I can be both anxious and take care of whatever else is needed—including being devoted to my own kindness toward the anxiety.

ALONENESS: SHAME AND FAILURE
My wife and I had settled into a daily routine and it felt boring. I realized that neither of us was expressing an interest in how the other was doing, and it had created distance. I’m sure she was feeling the same thing. I was ashamed and felt like a failure because I had not had a substantial conversation with her as to how we could both be more satisfied.

MOVING TOWARD SELF-ACCEPTANCE
I saw that I needed to summon the courage and humility to talk about how I felt. I was ready to ask for what I needed, and invited her to express her needs too. I could feel a wave of relief and ease with myself.

SHAME: FRAUDULENCE
I feel my insecurity and a sense of personal fraudulence and deep shame as I distort and exaggerate the depth of knowledge I have to impress others. I constantly emphasize how close I am to “important people.”

MOVING TOWARD SELF-ACCEPTANCE
I am now aware of feeling insecure and see that I was overcompensating by trying to impress other people. I am going to talk with a close and trusted friend about the last time I did this. I think this will allow me to develop a deeper trust in myself.

WITHDRAWAL: EDGINESS
I recognize that often I can’t feel my heart being open, and at these times I am edgy or withdrawn. I feel stuck in resistant and disturbing emotions. In short, I’ve shut down emotionally. I hate to feel so closed and tight, but I haven’t been successful at doing anything about it. It keeps going on and on. I don’t like that I hide these feelings—from everyone else, and frequently from myself.

MOVING TOWARD SELF-ACCEPTANCE
I can see how it’s really difficult for all of us to reliably open our hearts. I feel a growing tolerance toward myself as I let in the understanding that it is common for people to withdraw and be uptight. I’m appreciating how much more honest and accepting I am becoming and want to be. I’m gathering the courage to share with close friends how much I’m working to open my heart and allow them to support me while I’m struggling.

The intent of these examples is to help you open new doors toward awareness that heals. Gaining insight into your self-rejection is actually a cause for celebration. Why? Because you have given yourself a chance to support your heart to expand, as opposed to remaining stuck in a recurring pattern of rejecting yourself because of your reactions to your own suffering. This positive response to uncovering your self-rejection and seeking increased self-compassion is very important because it inspires you to feel safe as you look very closely at yourself with greater acceptance and kindness.

Learn More . . .

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